The most common thing brides say when I ask how their wedding planning is going is “I’m so stressed” Why? Why are you stressed?
The reason you’re stressed is because you’re putting pressure on yourself to create this perfect day like you’re going to be judged by the wedding planning police, or worse, your friends and family!
So why are you stressed? Your florist has the flowers covered, all you have to do is tell them what flowers you love, browse pretty arrangements and pick your favourite (How horrible), pick out the little extras like buttonholes, arbour flowers, maybe some flowers to decorate your cake. But your florist knows all this, they know to ask you these questions and they know absolutely everything there is to know so stop thinking you have to do this yourself. You pick your favourite florist and you’re done!
Since I’ve started planning my wedding I’ve had so many questions from people… “Have you done this, are you doing this, what about this, oh no you can’t do that” and the list goes on. This is where your stress stems from. They make you feel like you don’t have it under control, they ask you questions that you don’t know the answers to because, drumroll…. You don’t need to know the answers, you’ve paid people to know those things for you. You’ve hired a dj, a florist, a caterer, a celebrant, the list goes on. These people have worked in the industry for years and each and every one of them are experts in their field. They have their area covered and that’s what you’ve paid them for. They will plan each of their areas to a tee so you don’t have to.
If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends or mother told me I can’t do this or I have to do that I would have my entire wedding paid for! If I also had a dollar for every time someone asked me if the wedding planning is stressful I would have my honeymoon paid for.
Then comes the actual wedding day itself. You spend the entire day walking around greeting guests, making sure you have enough time to thank every person for coming and do the ten minute catch up because you haven’t seen them for a year but felt it necessary to invite them to your wedding. Why? When I speak to my brides the day after the wedding they always say “I had a good day but I was so busy I didn’t get to enjoy it”
So you’ve spent the past 12 months stressing about a day that in the end you didn’t even get to enjoy because you were too busy trying to please everyone and do the formalities that you have to do at a wedding, sounds like one big ball of fun.
And then there’s the day after. I go back to the venue to pack up and the bride and groom are there cleaning up after everyone! Who even are your friends! If you were able to get up early the day after your wedding to go clean up while your friends and family are sleeping in then you didn’t have a good enough time and that should be illegal.
My point is, you’re supposed to be planning this day for yourself. But you’re too worried about everyone else that in the end you’ve planned this whole wedding for everyone else (stressed yourself out in the meantime) and you’re there cleaning up after them. Plan for you! Do what you want to do, enjoy your day, drink, dance, sleep in, organise for someone else to go clean up for you.
Here are a list of traditions I’ve decided not to do that I’ve been told I have to, that not only saved me money but gave me less sh*t to do and less things to worry about.
Jewellery – I don’t wear earrings or necklaces, they annoy me. When I told my mum I wasn’t wearing earrings she was mortified, I’m still not wearing earrings or a necklace for the wedding and gasp we’re not even getting wedding rings. Dan has a ring that I bought him a little while back that’s special to us and I have my engagement ring. Maybe we’ll do new rings for our first anniversary but for the time being we didn’t feel like we needed to spend another thousand dollars on rings when we both already have one. (Disgusting right)
Bridal party photos – I love my friends to death, but I don’t need 30 photos of us posing in a park somewhere pretending to be candid. And I especially don’t need to spend two hours away from the party getting these done. Dan and I will get a few photos close by for half an hour and will go back to enjoy ourselves like we should be.
Shoes – I don’t own a single pair of heels, a lot of people have asked me about shoes. I’ll just be borrowing a pair off one of my friends, they thought that was hilarious but really, do you think you’re going to wear them all night? And if you are going to wear them all night your feet must be mutants, who can do that? Mine will be coming off straight after the ceremony! Eff that.
That big bridal party entrance – Why? Just why? You get married at say 3pm, and you’re expected to be away from the party until dinner time? That’s literally two – three hours later. Get back, sit down and have a drink asap.
There are so many wedding traditions that are not only unnecessary costs but unnecessary stress aswell. And don’t even get me started on the guest list politics, that’s a whole different subject in itself so I’ll stop now. My point is, if wedding planning is stressing you out then you’re doing it wrong. Stop now! It took a good month of me telling my mum and friends to shut up before they realised I wasn't going to waste any time or money on the traditions that I didn't want to do. They'll understand and on the day none of it will matter! You won't be broke and you'll still have your sanity, you're welcome x